Before I start I need everyone reading this to know that this entry is only about 15% for real…the remainder 85% is an exaggeration of my true feelings.
Because I have had way too many “serious” thoughts on here lately and frankly too many in my head as well, I thought I’d write a little bit about the art of “loving your team”.
I don’t know if you know this about me but I’m a Broncos fan and I have been for the entire 26 years of my life. To say that my family bleeds blue and orange may be an understatement..case in point? My family has had season tickets to the Broncos for over 30 years, including the 11 years that we spent living in New Jersey. The tickets originated in my grandfather’s name, then were divided between one of my uncles and my dad. Thus, for the entirety of my own life we have owned two seats in the old Mile High Stadium, then the Invesco at Mile High Stadium and now the Sports Authority at Mile High Stadium.
Currently the tickets are managed and paid for by my older brother with the understanding that when I am in town I have the rights to the seats. Because I live out of town it’s easy for us to manage who goes to what games, usually I come waltzing into town and get the two seats for myself and whoever I may want to take with me. Now before you get all defensive for my brother, I’m usually only in town for 2 or 3 games, he gets the rest all to himself.
The only game that we fight over is the one game a year that means the most to both of us. It’s the Raiders game. Growing up a Broncos fan means growing up a Raiders Hater. It’s probably our most intense rivalry (second being the Cheifs in case you were wondering.) So before I moved away from Denver the Brother and I had a deal that when that one game came around, we’d go together because it was the only fair way of doing it.
This year the Raiders game fell on opening weekend on Monday Night. Now, if you follow Football even the smallest amount you know that’s kind of a big deal. Right?? Right. So that older brother of mind decided to be awesome and flew me in for the weekend to attend this coveted game with him. (yep, I’ll keep him, he’s a great guy).
So last night found me 10th row in the corner of the North Endzone cheering on my boys. Decked out in orange and even with a little face paint on. The game was going great, however, it started raining. At first it was a sprinkle but then it just started dumping on us. So there I was, in jeans and a jersey, my coat in the car, getting drenched. But did I leave the stands? NO WAY.
See, dedication as a fan means sticking through it in the good and bad. That means weather too. Not every game can be a 2:15 game with the sun shining and the temperature hovering at 70. No, no, somedays you get rain, others you might get snow, still others bring hail or just the freezing cold wind of Denver. But you stay in your seats and you take it because the players are and it’s all about solidarity right?
I should probably stop to mention that this whole fan thing is pretty easy when you’re team has the ability to go undefeated or make the play offs at least. I mean you can get really drenched for a team that is kicking their rivals butts…but what does that solidarity look like when you’re a Broncos fan and your team is … well, to be frank, a little challenged in the scoring department.
Now, I’m not saying I’m a better fan than most just because my team has had a few rough gos and I haven’t jumped ship…but … oh, wait, I might be.
Just kidding. (sort of). I will say this. As much trash I talked about a certain quarterback last night who seemed to forget that his ONE job is to get the ball over the goal line… I love all my Broncos.
And loving them means flying halfway across the country to go to their opening game. It means painting my face (only a little, a girl has her standards) and yelling really loud and high fiving everyone around me at the game. It means missing two days of class and spending an entire weekend getting about a week behind in school just for the chance to sit in my favorite seats, next to my favorite game watcher and watch my boys play live.
But loving them also means calling them out on being the kind of dumb dumbs that throw interceptions, get sacked and drop the ball from time to time. I mean, iron sharpens iron right?
God knows I've been naive…
…but I think it makes him proud of me.
Ah … Summer. Deep breaths of air filled with the smells of grilling and a hint of sunscreen. The sounds of laughter and good music floating all around you. Gentle creaks of the porch swings and books that take you to far away places that only exist in someone’s imagination. The knowledge that it doesn’t matter how late you stay up because tomorrow morning the only thing that awaits you is a cup of really good coffee. That’s the name of the game for this girl, at least for a little bit.
This past week and a half has been filled with all of these things and more. I know that this won’t last forever, especially since Hebrew will be here before I know it but until then, I’m enjoying the laziness of no work, no classes and no responsibility. This last year was a challenging one, getting back into school mode, moving to a new city and finding a new community to call my own. It was rewarding to say the least, totally worth it. I know this because even though I love being at home, I find myself longing to be back in my little apartment on Carmen and staying out late with friends.
But for a period of time I am here, in the sunshine of Colorado (if the sun comes back out ever). I am able to see my goddaughter off when she leaves for China and welcome her back to hear all her crazy stories. I am able to celebrate my niece’s 6th birthday with a bowling Justin Beiber party, I am able to rock my 9 month old niece to sleep in our over stuffed black chair. I am able to have long lunches/dinners/coffees with my dear friends that have known me so long we have trouble remembering when/how we became friends in the first place.
My summer is all about slow, deliberate movements or more so, moments. It’s about the time you take to slow down and enjoy the people and things around you but to be deliberate in those moments. To draw near to those who are called “loved ones” and to pull away from those who make you feel less of who you know you are. Part of the reason for this, in my case, is merely the amount of time I have here and with certain people. The farther away I move from this home state of mine, the more I realize that my time spent here is so very valuable. And this may be my last extended visit here and I’m trying my hardest to be intentional in who and where I spend my time.
I joke about “the one thing I’ve learned in seminary” with various people. My answer usually depends on the crowd but I will say, one of the more valuable lessons I’ve learned is to enjoy the people I’m with at any given moment. Authentic community grows out of being present in people’s lives. To shut off the digital world and spend time with the people in front of you. Which is part of the reason I quit “the book” … to sort of force my relationships to be more authentic.
So, if I lack the time or energy to blog this summer, then so be it. But I predict I may be blogging more, simply because of the mere fact that I like sharing my life here, the things I’m learning and battling with. And I’m sure those will be a lot, since I am currently reading 4 books. (not an all time high for me, but up there) as well as spending time with people who bring out that introspective part of my personality. Those who spend the time calling me on my crap and allowing me to process the jumbled mess that I call my head. I’m looking forward to more of this life here and hopefully sharing it with you all that read the blog…. all five of you.
Lastly, because Jill likes to tell me that my blog titles rarely relate to my posts, or make sense (pot – kettle), this blog title comes from a song I found from Steph’s blog a few weeks ago and it struck a chord in my heart. It’s called Naive by Sleeping at Last and in a lot of ways I think it sums up my first year of seminary. You can read into this statement whatever you like, but instead you should maybe just ask me why.
everything's closer to the end
The end of the semester is upon me. I am 3 papers, 2 finals and 1 test away from the freedom of Summer. In attempts to cleanse my palate a bit as I’m in the middle of paper writing, I thought I would try and reflect a bit on what has been going on in life as well as what’s coming up… we’ll see how it works. So totally random and in no specific order, here’s what’s going on up in my head …
- I was elected President of our Student Association. Before you get all impressed, I ran unopposed so there was no competition, but still, I’m coming to terms with the fact that this is kind of a big deal. So far, not much has changed except that I’m suddenly super visible on campus and people are starting to call me “Madame President” and the rare couple of people enjoy saluting me in the library, on the green space and in the Seminary building. But basically, little has really changed …. yet. I know the change is coming, I know it’s happening soon, I just can’t wrap my head around it quite yet.
- I’m starting to realize how much my community here has blessed me and shaped me within this first year of seminary. I look at those around me and realize just how much of an impact they have had on me. The people who have pushed me to be a better version of myself, those who have made me stumble in challenging ways, those who have broadened my interests to include things like the Lord of the Rings movies, and those that have taught me valuable life lessons – like self-confidence. It is almost impossible to leave a community like this unchanged, and I think this year has changed me a lot, in a lot of good ways. I’m looking forward to continuing this community in coming years but realizing how much it will change with a new class coming in as an older class graduates and moves on.
- I am not ready to spend two and a half months away from the roommate.
- I am, however, excited to spend six whole weeks with my nieces and the goddaughter. I think I’m going to teach Bizzy to walk so that I don’t miss her first steps…
- I survived my first Chicago winter, and while the spring is slowly arriving, I am excited for the Colorado summer ahead of me, at least part of it.
- I babysit three children on a regular basis, different families – their names all started with Es. I think E-names might be trending right now.
- I do not miss facebook, not even a little bit.
- After several conversations lately with a new friend I realized … I really miss the dance world.
- Research papers are way more fun when you’re passionate about the topics. I’m writing one right now on the lives of John and Spencer Perkins and the Christian’s call to Racial Reconciliation. Boo-yah.
- Friendships/Relationships are messy and sometimes they hurt like hell, but if you can make it through the pain, there’s beauty on the other side.
- Some days, coffee and music are the only things that help me survive…my own personal gifts from the Lord.
So that’s the mumbled jumbled mess inside my head. I like to call it “end of semester brain.” It’s an interesting place. However, in exactly 10 days my first year of Seminary will be complete and I will be free to sip coffee and read for pleasure all my days. It shall be glorious.
be here now
I gave up making new years resolutions a long time ago. I never really felt like it was a great idea but I know that in elementary and middle school it’s a great ice breaker for teachers to use when you get back from break so I blame them for my feeling like I always needed to have at least two or three. But in my adult life I’ve given up on them and I haven’t looked back on that decision … until recently that is.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t make a resolution this year. But at church on Sunday our pastor challenged us with a new thought. She was talking through identity and introduced this idea of “one word” … she posed the question of “If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be? One word that says who you are?” The idea comes from the book Eat, Pray, Love which I read last year and this thought that every city has one word that describes it and that every person has one word that describes them. It can’t be a descriptor of what you DO … example, mine can’t be student or Pastor-in-training. Rather it’s supposed to be a word that describes who you are, not what you do.
Then, she posed the question of what is one word that you want to be about this year. One word, hopefully placed on your heart by God, that you want to have define your actions this year. It was an interesting thing to reflect on. She recognized that these words may take time to come to us, hers had taken a few weeks but that they’ll flush themselves out eventually if we seek them out and pray about it.
As for my words… my doing word for the year came almost instantly, but my being word…that’s coming slower. I have ideas about what it could be but I’m not sure yet I wanna put it out there this early in the stages. Instead I’ll share my doing word ….
After our pastor finished speaking and praying for us, I got the chance to just sort of sit in silence and almost immediately I had my word. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time and it’s the idea of being present. I’m a mental wanderer. I suspect that I have slight ADD tendencies but more so I think I just have too many ideas and thoughts running through my head. It is extremely easy to day dream in seminary which causes you to suddenly be at the end of class and wondering where the last hour and twenty minutes have gone.
I also have struggled in my relationships in being fully present at any given moment. It’s not an endearing quality I’m sure, and it is probably quite annoying. It even spills over into my relationship with God at times, I start to pray or spend time with him and my mind just drifts. I’m sure he just sort of rolls his eyes at me while my mind wanders and waits for me to come back to what I was thinking originally.
So this year, or maybe just this semester, I’m going to work hard on being present. Fully present in whatever situation I’m in at any given time. I want to be better at listening, really listening to people. I want to fully be present in class and glean wisdom from my professors and fellow classmates. I want to be fully present in church (which requires actually getting there, which is a sub-goal of mine). I want to be fully present with my roommates. Fully present with Emmett knowing that this year is going fast and next year I won’t be with him as much. I want to not let my mind daydream about situations that are not reality but to dream about things that can become a reality.
I’m not saying that I’m going to cure myself of absentmindedness in a year, but I’m hoping that by trying to tackle it hard I will be better eventually. I also hope to be better at blogging … it’s just so therapeutic to my soul to get my thoughts out there.
when I come home
When I moved to Chicago in August I took everything that I owned with me, meaning it left my room at my mom’s house up for grabs. Being the second biggest room in the house, it was a desired commodity. And it was snatched up by my lovely little 5 (and a half) year old niece. She relinquished the bed at least for this two week stint of my being home, however, the room is filled with her toys and movies and such. So while, it’s all the same furniture and the same general make-up of my former room. It is not my room.
Plus, I left a few very important items in Chicago. This all ends up with me feeling far away from home, even though I’m technically at home. It feels different. My routine is broken and I suddenly feel like a visitor. Like I’m on vacation… in the house that has been mine since I was about 16. It’s an odd feeling, knowing that so much has changed and yet stayed the same.
But, as vacations go, this one has been pretty spectacular.
First of all, my nieces are growing up so fast. Here are some of my favorite pics of them:
This is Benny. 5 1/2 years old and full of spunk. This picture is from Christmas Eve dinner at Chili’s. She’s such a precious little girl and I love being her Tia. She’s one of a kind. A real pistol.
And Bizzy. 4 months old today. Another precious little girl. She’s got me wrapped around her little finger. I will enjoy spoiling her for many many years to come. But don’t be fooled by that smile, this girl can scream. And that is no fun for anyone.
Another great highlight of being home is getting to go to the Broncos game with my brother:
The pic is blurry but there we are in all our game-going glory. Or shall I say him in his game going glory and me in my normalness. I painted his face in the car, a memory I will never forget as he made jokes about wearing make-up and how I wasn’t doing it right. But hey, at least the Broncos won right?
Speaking of the Broncos, here’s a picture snapped during warm-ups of my fav Tim Tebow. It was his second NFL start and he won the game with a great touchdown in the 4th quarter. It was a riveting game and although it means little for them because they’ve done so poorly this season, it was still fun to be there to watch him.
(Yes I realize this picture is bigger than the others…but only cause the object to be focused on is so far away)
So there’s a little bit of what I’ve been up to. Only thing missing is my beautiful goddaughter, with whom I’ve only snapped pictures with on my actual camera …so those photos have yet to be uploaded. Those are for the next blog…
Until then I leave you with this silly picture, taken with Benny my first day home. Enjoy!
just happy to be here, I'm happy to know you
Last weekend I finally got to go home and meet my niecey-niece. Her name is Bizzy (if you remember) and despite what it looks like in this picture, she actually loves me a lot. This picture is gonna be one of those ones that goes down in history as an all time greatest display of her and me. I love it. It’s going in her wedding slide show someday.
Being home was great. I got to spend some time with some of my favorites, including craft time with Jre and Penelope, lunch with the Vogts and of course a great Nina-Goddaughter date.
The other great thing I got to do while being at home was that I had the privilege of baptizing Goddaughter. It was a beautiful moment in my life to be able to hear my goddaughter confess her faith in Jesus and then to be able to baptize her myself. It was an honor, not that it was about me. I was such a proud Nina standing there in the water with her and watching her own her faith. I’ve prayed for this day and for many more where she is able to stand up in front of her peers and loved ones and confess her faith in Christ. It was a moment unlike any other in my life and I was in awe of God’s great grace that I was able to experience it.
So, going home, that was the first half of fall break. Then I was back in Chicago for precisely 29 hours before jumping in the car with ~6 seminary friends and driving 3.5 hours to Muskegon, MI. “home” sweet “home” for Alicia. We’ve been staying with my good friend Becky and just enjoying fall in Muskegon.
Being back here makes me reflect a lot on the last three years. It was three years ago that I lived here, did ministry here, called this place home. It’s been three years since I’ve been back and these couple of days here have been a flood of memories of my time here. Tonight I let all the others go to Grand Haven for a night on the town and I stayed back, visited and caught up with Brenda (my “other” mom) and just spent time reflecting. I looked back on this very blog and read these words, dated September 1, 2007:
“I was sitting on the beach the other night, journaling and praying as the sun set beyond the hugeness that is the lake. And as I watched the sun go down I prayed harder than I have in a long time and I felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest. But the thing that saves me everytime is the knowledge that God is so much bigger than all this pain I’m feeling and through Him I get the strength to stand up, brush the sand off my pants and walk away.”
Today I stood on the beach next to Roomsmate looking out at the vastness that is Lake Michigan and I remembered that night. I told Roomsmate about how I used to go to the beach and have my time with God. I see God the best (at times) in Creation. In seeing what He created for us. I stood there today looking out and thought about all the ways God has blessed me and pushed me in the last few years. I stood there and thought about the tears shed on this sand all those years ago. I thought back on all the heartache and rough patches that He has brought me through to this moment and I smiled. I am truly thankful for a God that is big enough to handle the pain and sorrow in my life in the same way he rejoices in the joys and celebrations.
In some ways I am the same 22-year-old girl that stood on that same shore 3 years ago and in other ways I’m not. Being back here has taught me just how vastly different I am these days, but in a good way. I am thankful for the place that I am in. I am just where I belong.
More thoughts to come on various aspects of my life but for now hear this… I am still struggling through a lot of dealing with my dad’s life and death. But at the end of the day I look around at those who surround me and realize that God is good to me, and that’s enough for me.
so come on and talk me down on that cellular phone
Here’s something I’ve learned so far in Seminary … it’s hard. End of story.
Just kidding. But really, it is hard. I’ve spent most of my time reading and not really doing much writing. Which is evident because I haven’t posted a blog in 2 weeks. That’s just crazy!
I would go back and talk about all the things I’ve been learning and growing in but it’s a lot so instead I’m going to talk more about something that happened today. Today I had a meeting with NPU’s Campus Pastor about getting involved with University Ministries. During our meeting we got on a few tangents and she challenged me to a sort of 30 day “fast.” And I’ve decided to take her up on it.
This fast is purely technological and relational in both execution and intention. I shared with her my struggle with feeling as though I am caught between two places. I shared this in my post on Tim’s site (relationalyouthministry.com) but more and more I think I have struggled with wanting to make connections here but finding that it is so much easier to just call home/KC/Muskegon where people know my story, know my struggles and know my passions. But I was challenged in my thinking of that today.
You see, it’s been proven that we only have space in our lives for 200 significant relationships. Significant meaning that we think about them, they think about us, we have the ability to modify them and they have the ability to modify us. Now, if you think about it, it only takes a couple of big moves until you fill up those 200 spots. So at some point, you have to either cut some people or not make new connections in new places. Right?
So if when I moved here I used 70% of my energies to really continue investing in the relationships back in various places I’ve lived then I only have 30% left to give to the people I’ve met here. The funny thing is that those relationships are so good because I jumped in at 100% in Kansas City/moving back to Denver, etc. So why doesn’t Chicago, this community deserve that same 100%?
I have sacrificed my incarnation-al relationships for my technological relationships. When something exciting happens I get on the phone/twitter/facebook to notify people in various places. When I’m struggling with something I do the same thing. Same with what I’m learning. My first instinct is to retreat back to those relationships that are already comfortable. Shouldn’t my first instinct be to invest in people who I can talk to face-to-face? I’ll answer that for you …. yes.
But it’s not about dropping my friends (like they’re hot). It’s about trusting those friendships enough that we know that in order for us to be in healthy places that we must be fully invested where we are at. It’s about being able to come back to those friendships and picking up where we left off. It’s about knowing that in order for me to be healthy, I need to learn to depend on the people I am in physical community with.
So here are the logistics. For the next 30 days I am cutting out the day-to-day communication with friends that live outside of my current zip code. This will include but is not limited to: texts, phone calls, facebook and e-mails.
Now, I will say a few things about exceptions…. prayer requests will be accepted from my friends outside this zip. Also accepted of course, would be emergencies. I will also offer any (close) friend an option of a once per week catch up session via phone call. But that’s about it.
The result, hopefully, will be the actual sharing of my true self with those around me. Whenever something happens (good/bad/indifferent) that I want to share, I will have to find someone to share it with face to face. I will have to have more incarnate relationships and invest in them.
NOTE: This will be an extreme adventure for me. I’m not saying it is going to be easy, in fact it will probably be incredibly hard. We all know how much Alicia likes her facebook …. however, this is me trying to be intentional with these people who I will be spending the next 2-3 years with.
I will be blogging (maybe) through this experience. We’ll see because let’s be honest, it’s not a lack of things to say that have kept me blog free lately. It’s the hundreds of pages of reading I have due about every two days here.
But here we go, adventure time!
what a day to welcome a baby to begin breathing
This is Bizzy. She entered the world (and my heart) on Friday, August 27th at 9:06 p.m. weighing in at 5 lbs 15 oz, and 19.5 inches. She stole my heart the moment my brother sent me a picture. Yes, sent me a picture because as most of you know, I have started my seminary adventure and now live in Chicago, she however, was born in Colorado.
My brother has sent me a few videos and about 26 pictures of this little love. I think he might be proud or something. She is a little darling and although she is only a few days old, I already know that she has me wrapped around those long little fingers. (a piano player like her Tia Eisha perhaps?)
Do not get me wrong, I am super excited for my brother, sister-in-law and my now two nieces. I am so happy that she came out healthy and happy. I am however, not happy that she has entered the world without me there to hold her, to pray for her, to kiss her, to hug her, to sing her to sleep, to change her diapers, to dress her or to give her premature lessons on life and boys (she’s gonna be a handful if she’s half Vela…)
I realize this is not exactly my first time to be an aunt, and that I have lived away for a long time now, however I didn’t expect it to be this hard. To shed this many tears that I am missing out on this big event in my brother’s life. To gather around her crib and talk about how she’s named in memory of her Grandpa whose ears she, unfortunately, has. And whose heart she also would have stolen.
In the midst of missing this event I am also beginning to forge relationships with not only my fellow first years but also other seminary students. We are going to start getting to the point where we share with each other many personal stories and events that I’m not ready to share. Vulnerability scares me and although I want this community to work and be deep, it’s hard.
The benefit though, is that even after five short days of community building, I thoroughly enjoy everyone I have met. I have enjoyed getting to know some people that I already feel a bond with and am looking forward to bonding more with those I am still getting to know.
Seminary is going to be a wonderfully stretching experience for me – that I knew. What I did not anticipate was how much my heart would hurt this time being away from my family. I love my little Isabella, and cannot wait to hold her, to watch her parents love her and to see her big sister shine with pride. In short, I can’t wait to meet this very special little girl.
point out now what we're careless of
I am 16 hours away from the start of my Greek final, meaning that I am only 19 short hours away from being done with Greek. I am excited but at the same time I’m a little sad. Yes, I realize how weird that sounds. But to be honest, I’ve really enjoyed learning Greek. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, I’m not some crazy smart Greek scholar. I don’t know everything there is to know about Greek. But I’ve learned a lot.
Today a few of us from class took a little trip down to the archives of the library to check out some amazing things. We got to see the evolution of the Bible (the new testament at least). we saw some copies of an original Greek manuscript and then a few different versions of the original Greek bibles as well as the Gutenberg Bible which is in Latin. We saw early English translations and heard some funny quotes from the scribes who were responsible for creating the original manuscripts.
It was fascinating. I probably uttered the phrase “this is amazing” at least 30 times in that hour and forty-five minutes. To think that our faith has such history. To think back to the early days when scribes sat and copied down the text so that we could eventually read it all these years later. The process that the scribes when through and the process that critics had to go through after them. It is an amazing story of how many people have contributed over the years to providing us with a readable copy of the New Testament. Astonishing.
While I could go on about this for hours, that’s not the point of this post. I am sure that a lot of these thought processes will grace the blog in the coming few years that I spend at North Park but for now, a little reflection as I look forward to not only finishing Greek but getting the keys to my new apartment, going home to get my stuff and say good-bye to Colorado, to moving into my new apartment and starting this new chapter in my life.
I think back to that day about a year and a half ago when Tim sat me down in his office to talk about life after my internship. I remember him pulling out that application to NPTS and my heart totally dropping. I remember him asking me why I was suddenly crying and while I couldn’t entirely voice it, I knew it had to do with feeling inadequate. I thought he felt as though I was not ready for ministry full-time. I thought he felt I couldn’t do this job. It was a long journey to get to the point that I’m at now, looking forward to the next few years at NP.
People have told me I’m crazy. People have told me it’s the right next step. People have told me I’ll regret it. People have told me I’m just running away from life for a while. I’ve had the whole spectrum of reactions to the statement, “I’m moving to Chicago to go to Seminary.” And while I know that it will be harder to leave home this time, especially with the birth of my niece approaching rapidly, I know this is where God is taking me.
These past six weeks have been brutal. I won’t lie that spending hours upon hours in the library or at Starbucks memorizing paradigms, grammar rules, vocabulary words is not how I imagined spending my summer. Nor have I been loving the muggy grossness that is a Chicago summer. However, I have already seen places in my life that I’ve been growing and where God is preparing me for ministry. He has reignited the fire in my heart for Him and for His people.
So my prayer for being in Seminary is that my heart would be open to whatever God has in store for me. That my excitement to learn be fueled and that I would push to know Him more, even in classes that might be boring or hard to handle. I pray that I would have people in my life that would push me to be better. I pray that I find a church to attend and serve in. I pray that I would care more about how I am loving others than how they are loving me. I pray that my eyes be opened to wonders anew and that I would be able to see Him all around me. I pray that my insecurities would not keep me from His will for my life.
All this to say, I’m glad to be on this side of the process. I’m thankful for those in my life who have continued to encourage and support my passions and goals. Thankful for those how have and continue to walk down this road with me and who have spoken truth into my life. Seminary isn’t about not being good enough yet, it’s about so much more and while I don’t yet know what that looks like in my life, I’m excited to see where it takes me.
I can only tell you what it feels like
On our second day of class, after our quiz, our professor said to us, “2 quizes down, 20 to go.” After today we have 20 down and 2 to go. I am one week away from being done with Greek and that is absolutely insane. What is more insane is to think that I am leaving the day after for my homebound adventure. 6 full days of Colorado funness and then back in the car to drive off to my new life as a seminarian.
My mind has been working a little bit overtime these last few days. In classic Alicia style I have pulled into myself as I’ve been evaluating a lot of relationships in my life and thinking about how crazy my life has been and continues to be. I am really excited about classes starting up and meeting new people. I’m excited to continue to invest in the friendships I’ve made these past 5 weeks and to make some new friends. I’m excited for my classes, they should all be super fun and interesting. I’m excited for my niece to be born, even if I’m 1000 miles away. Basically I’m excited for life right now.
This week has been especially draining for me. Moving around so much these last couple years has taken its toll on me. It’s messed with my sense of “home” and makes me a little uneasy about friendships. I’ve gotten a lot better at the long distance friendships but I think I’ve become more socially awkward (if that is possible). Last week I was so social, going out every night and meeting new people. I really tried hard and put myself out there and it was exhausting. And as a result I didn’t do as well on my Greek test on Monday. So I started this week a little emotionally drained. Trying to find community is hard, it takes a lot of effort and energy. Which is a good thing because nothing worth anything ever goes down easy. (name that song).
The saving grace for me this week has been the couple of friendships that I have found here that are already easy and good. People that I have fun with and enjoy being around whether it’s walking around the neighborhood or watching Bethenny Getting Married? Even studying Greek has been made more fun. It’s been good to already feel like I have a couple of friends that are genuinely fun to be around. We laugh a lot and we enjoy the same types of things. It’s been good.
The only other thing keeping me alive these days is Starbucks. Joke all you want but Greek is HARD and the bucks just makes it that much more enjoyable. I do love me some good Starbucks (as if that’s a shock to anyone who reads this blog.)
This post seems a little disconnected but that’s how my brain feels these days. The full lyric for today’s blog title is “I can’t tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like” … It’s basically how I feel these days. I can’t really tell you what is going on up there in my head, I can only try to put words to these feelings of unsettledness and the joy of new beginnings. I think that this summer has gone by so fast that I never allowed myself to really process any of it as I went. It’s starting to catch up with me and I’m all in my head these days. I need to get out of my head and into the world again… maybe when Greek’s done (which is what I say about everything.)
Greek quote of the week: a conversation between me and my friend in class during translations. He was disagreeing with our teachers translation… for the record, he was wrong…:
Me: ‘”Did you just ‘Boom Roast’ our professor?”
Him: “No, I just ‘Boom Roast’ed the Bible”