may your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground

Transition. It’s an inevitable part of life. It’s going to happen to us several times in life. I am fueled by it in a lot of ways. My life has changed so many time and in so many ways, I often find myself waiting for transitions, big changes. I can handle new, I love new. I love new challenges, the discovering of new places, making new friends, being in new situations. I love it.
What I don’t love, is the times that come right before the big change. The months/weeks/days that come right before the big change. When you already know what’s coming but you just aren’t there yet. You are in the holding pattern
As if right on time, I heard a sermon on this very topic this past Sunday. On living in the in between. It was funny to sit and listen to because honestly, I didn’t really feel it on Sunday. And now, now I’m sitting here, working on my last two things of the semester, about to watch Roomsmate graduate and move out of our little home, about to start CPE, about to move onto another phase of life. Everything is on the brink of changing. It hasn’t really changed yet but it’s about to.
And in this moment I have no choices. I can’t hold on to the past to make it stay the same. I can’t rush the future to happen faster. I just stand here knowing fully that everything is about to change.
So I wait. I try to be faithful in the in between times. I try not to let my excitement of what’s to come blur my current reality. I will try my best to enjoy these last moments of this part of my life. I will try to live in the silence. I will live in the tension between what was and what is to become.

we laugh a little too loud

The end is nearing.  I have been in the midst of craziness of school for the last week, extending into the next week.  My load is lesser this semester than it has been in the past.  Meaning, unlike most semesters when I had 2 or 3 15 page papers due I only have a handful of shorter papers due.  It’s still a lot of work, but not nearly as much as I’ve had in the past.
Also in the midst of preparing for this week of finals coming up, I realized that this weekend is my last weekend with my beloved Roomsmate.  She graduates in a week and two hours from this moment.  Her whole family comes in this weekend so this time we have right now is our last weekend in this apartment.
Because of the nature of Seminary, we tend to not realize at the end of our years that as we rapidly approach finals and being done, we also rapidly approach our entire community changing.  People graduate, leave for internship, come back from internship and these bonds that we have built over the year are about to change and be tested.  A lot of people in this community are not from here and we all have the tendency to scatter pretty quickly after the semester is over.
Last year at this time I was in the middle of a couple of big papers and preparing for a couple of big finals and didn’t realize that I was not relishing the time I had with my peers and then I blinked (figuratively) and I was suddenly at home on my couch in Colorado and all my friends were scattered around the country.  I had let the tasks get in the way of people that I loved and then they were gone.  Not gone forever but that season ended and I wasn’t prepared for that.
I refuse to let that happen this semester.  I think that’s the wisdom that comes with second year, the knowledge that it will all get done, the knowledge that people mean something too and grades aren’t everything.  I know that I will do the best I can on my papers and finals, but I also know I want to be fully invested in the people around me.  So completely giving up a social life for this task work shouldn’t be the case.
So this morning, I played hookie from my paper and went to see the Avengers with the Roomsmate and some friends.  And last night I watched Captain America with Roomsmate and another friend because I wanted to spend some time with her before she moves back to California.  Did I still get my paper done? Yes.  Is she still going to get her paper done? Probably.  Just kidding, she will.
I’m not saying that life is all fun and not working, I’m staying life is about working smart and enjoying the time we have while we have it.  There’s something so beautiful about being silly for a few moments before we hunker down and get the work done.