so I wait around for an answer to appear

I read this book by Annie F. Downs called Looking for Lovely and there was a chapter where she talked about her dating life.  How she had a perspective shift within herself – she went from waiting on God to watching for God to do his thing in respect to her dating life.  It seems like such a subtle shift, but when you think about the difference between waiting and watching, it’s actually very different.  When we are waiting for something, we are passive.  Maybe even unsure that thing will happen at all.  But watching for something has a level of expectancy, knowing that it will happen and watching for it to unfold.
I think this shift needs to take place in the way we interact with God in our everyday lives.
My last post was a month ago, pre-Lent.  I had every intention of being intentional with my Lenten practices and sharing them on here.  Writing what I’d been hearing from and experiencing with God.  But as I got into it, I found myself resisting the need to share.  Need probably isn’t the right word even.  I didn’t feel a need to share publicly, instead I felt the need to be in community with my practices.  My in real life people tribe.
God has showed up in some really tangible ways in the last 28 days.  He’s led me down a few pathways that I didn’t see myself going down.  He’s connected threads that seemed to be going in different directions or standing on their own.
My goal for Lent was to turn the volume down on the various voices in my world and turn the volume up on God.  Of course what that actually means is spending more time intentionally listening to his voice.  I was listening to a podcast about discerning God’s voice today and the speaker said “God is always speaking.”
I believe this in my head.  I believe that God is all around us, the Spirit is flowing through people and the pages of the Bible to make connections for us.  I believe He is in constant motion around me.  So then why is it that so often it feels like he is silent?
I have found myself waiting on God.  As I wait I do my thing –  I go about my life, do my tasks, hang out with my friends, make my plans.  It’s worked for me before.  God has intervened, spoken big things into my life, but it usually takes me a few tries to hear it.
But in this season of Lent I’ve tried watching for God.  I’ve been more intentional to pay attention – to read, journal, talk about God with people.  I’ve found that when I go looking for him, I find him.  I hear his voice more clearly.  I see his hand on my life, on the lives of those around me more tangibly.
There will be more on this to come, more thoughts as I process through these things that He’s revealing to me.  But for now I’m taking this simple thing – shifting from waiting on to watching for – and I’m going to run with it for a while.  See where He takes me.

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