and I will find you there and I will mend your heart

This title comes from the song “Mend Your Heart” by William Fitzsimmons.  It is one of the songs that I have added to my epicly amazing playlist on Grooveshark that is entitled “paper writing excellence.”  (See my facebook status for more info)
So I’m sitting in the library just now and I’m writing a paper on Matthew 6:9-15 which is more commonly known as The Lord’s Prayer.  Now this paper has been weeks in the making.  We wrote it in three parts, the first was just our interaction with the text.  We had to read it and reply with no other books used than our bibles.  The second stage was our research stage.  We were to use 5 commentaries and do a words study with a theological dictionary.  Finally we are on the third stage where we put together our thoughts and the thoughts of the scholars in order to write a comprehensive paper which we will be able to look back on if we ever need to preach on this topic.
So here I sit on the third floor of my beloved library (or cursed library, either way) typing away and sipping coffee when this line of this song slips through my thoughts and screams, “LISTEN TO ME.”  So I pause, rewind the song and listen a little more intently to see what the song has for me.  The song itself is about a girl and it’s a sad song (shockingly enough, a sad song by William Fitszsimmons – that’s sarcasm by the way, if you are unfamiliar with his library, it’s pretty much all depressingly sad.)  The song isn’t necessarily applicable to every day life unless you are in a weird twisted relationship.
But there are a couple of lines in it that I found most intriguing.  But mostly this line from the chorus, or should I say this line that IS the chorus.  These two meager sentences repeated over and over make up the very simple chorus.
Before I go on to say the significance, let me share one more thing and then we’ll put it together.  In my Theology and Film class this week we were talking about happiness and joy and the difference between the two.  My professor was talking about the advent season.  He pointed out that sometimes we are rejoicing vicariously for other people in our lives that are not in a place to rejoice.  And sometimes we are rejoicing out of sheer obedience rather than actually feeling it, and that’s okay.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I realized that last year I was going through the motions of Christmas, obviously it was a bitter sweet moment of unbearable pain of losing my dad and the joy of the birth of my Savior.  I love Christmas, we all know this.  But last season I was going through the motions and looking back on it I realized how guilty I felt for doing it so half-heartedly.  But that’s okay.  It’s okay because in those places of immense pain, God finds us and mends our hearts.
Last weekend was the one year anniversary of losing my dad, and as awful as the weekend was, it gave me the chance to tangibly look at the places where God has entered into my life and begun mending.  He has blessed me in ways I never thought possible, he has provided a place for me, far away from home and the familiar to let my guard down and be me.  And to be loved for who I am.
The thing is, I know that I never fully asked God to come in and mend my heart, he found me here.  He is a faithful God and knew what I needed when all I could do was sit at his feet with no words.  No clue what my heart needed and what I needed from him.  I did nothing extraordinary, no clear seeking out answers for my pain, I just prayed for God to be real in this place.  And he is.  He found me, in this place and he began the work in me until I was ready to join in the effort.
un-believable.  and yet so real I can’t help but believe.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *