“The crucifixion scene is not attractive. There is much in that terrible scene to inspire revulsion. And yet – when one adds the words ‘for me’, it appears in a different light.”
I just read this in a commentary on Isaiah 53. I’m writing a paper on its use within the NT. More thoughts to come, just wanted to share that quote
I knew I was fine about this time yesterday…
There’s this song by Ben Rector called “When a Heart Breaks” and another song by Mat Kearney called “Closer to Love.” They both hit a nerve in my heart that is a bit unexplainable. They both speaks such devastating truth about the human situation as well as they (sort of) imply a kind of hope that is found in a relationship with Christ.
So often in our every day lives we think as though we don’t need Jesus. When life is going fine and there are just mild annoyances that we have to deal with – spilling coffee on yourself, stubbing your toe, forgetting your phone charger… easy things. In those little things, we don’t need Jesus, we’ve convinced ourselves that we can handle life on our own.
But then something tragic happens. Whether to us or around us and all of a sudden we realize that our lives are unbelievably fragile. The chorus of Ben Rector’s song says, “It isn’t easy, it isn’t clear and you don’t need Jesus until your here, The confusion and doubts you have up and walk away, they walk away … when a heart a breaks.”
I’ve written about it so many times on here. That gut wrenching moment when you realize that everything you have has changed, in a moment. Your entire reality has shattered. Nothing will be the same again.
Except God.
God is never changing. He’s like that tree that is still standing after the storm, miraculously. When everything around it has been leveled and it’s still standing. That’s the triune God that we worship. He never leaves during the storm, he’s still there, protecting us when the storm rages on us. And when the dust settles, He’s still got us. He’s still the pillar that won’t shake.
And that fact, that fact pulls me closer to Him. He never promised a smooth road. But he promised that he would be with us through the storm. And he always has been. Even when we are convinced that we don’t need him. Because the truth is that we do need him, every day.
I realize that these thoughts are a bit all over the place, but I’m processing some stuff and sometimes I just need the reminder that God is bigger than the tragedies of my life and the lives of my loved ones.
watch your back, I'm nobody's girlfriend
Earlier today I jokingly referred to this week as “gender week” in a text to my lovely roommate. I made this joke because in our online class this week we are discussing the roles of women in the church and in relationships and in one of her other classes they were discussing gender. In yet another class this week I got into a mild debate over gender inclusivity and why I am not the cheerleader for gender inclusive translations. (for the record, I am a cheerleader for overall inclusiveness, just not when you get away from the Greek…)
But I digress.
In an online forum for our online class this week we were asked the question of what our thoughts were on the message of the NT writings on gender roles. One of my colleagues made a post that basically gave the excuse that as a woman pursuing ministry, that was her stance in the debate. She didn’t feel the need to get involved when the debate gets started, she would just keep her mouth shut and listen rather than be a part of the discussion.
Now, to her benefit, this debate gets shoved in our faces a lot here. Being a part of a gender inclusive denomination is great, I am all for it. But the debate is constantly at the forefront of our classes, our teacher’s lectures and our forums and clubs. We can recite to you why women should be in ministry as well as quote scripture defense and tell you what scholars have debunked the verses that tell us to be silent. We are well versed in this debate, or so we think.
The thing is, that someday we are going to be in ministry outside of this little Covenant bubble. We are going to be out in the real world and faced with a lot of people who do not think we should be in ministry. And not necessarily because we aren’t called or gifted but more so because how could we be called and gifted? That’s not how God works. That’s unbiblical. And these people that think these things, they aren’t bad people, they don’t hate women. They love women, but they’ve been raised in a system that believes these things. They have never questioned it, they have never been asked to question it. It’s almost never personal…and yet that’s how it feels when we hear it.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I’d make a great pastor’s wife. Or how I’ll do great children’s ministry some day, since the minds of children are the only ones I can mold. I’ve been asked why I’m in seminary if women can’t be pastors. I’ve been asked if women are allowed to be pastors. I’ve been told that with ambition like mine, I’ll never get married. I’ve been asked if I’m only pursuing ministry because I’m not married. I’ve been asked where a man fits into my “life plan”. I’ve gotten it all. And the worst is when it comes from those closest to me. People who know how independent I am. People who know my passions and gifts.
And I have to tell myself over and over, it’s not personal. It’s not me they are questioning, it’s the system they have grown up in.
But this is why we, as women, cannot just sit there and look pretty. My choice of vocation is not enough to educate people. I have to know the debate, I have to know what to say when those questions come up. Even if it means that people will think worse of me, even if I get called a feminist. Even if I become “intimidating” and shunned for it.
(PS…today’s title comes from a recently loved Matt Nathanson song called “Modern Love,” it’s my jam. I just like the sassiness of the girl he describes and the fact that she is unapologetic about it and that THAT’S why he is intrigued by her. It makes me happy, although I realize that out of context that’s a weird sentence.)
eight years old – down by the river was the best place you could be
I’ve been oddly nostalgic today. I’m not really sure why, but it is happening so I’ve decided to go with it, see where it takes me.
Most of you know that I have an older brother. Two and a half years my senior, my brother was always my biggest rival and confidante at the same time. We raised all sorts of heck together as kids. He suckered me into a lot of probably dangerous things in our childhood, things that I look back on now as some of the dumbest things I did as a child. He got me into a lot of trouble with our parents, his motto was always, “send the cute one.” So whenever we were up to something, he would send me in because of course, I was the baby of the family, I could do no wrong. He always thought of me as the little princess that could melt my parents hearts with one smile. I always thought this was absurd. I was no princess and I was never spoiled, he made it all up in his head. (well, probably not, he was probably right).
But growing up as the little sister to a big brother has it’s drawbacks. Without a big sister to teach you how to be a girl you’re stuck playing in creeks with frogs, knowing how to throw the perfect spiral and knowing how to tackle someone twice your size. You become better at Super Mario Brothers than painting your nails, better at applying eye black than eye liner and better at wearing sneakers that are too big than high heels that are too big.
Since becoming an adult I’ve retrospectively learned most of these things that I never learned as a kid. I’ve even held onto those skills that he taught me too. But sometimes I look at my life, the things I love to do and I can draw a line straight back to my brother (and my dad). I look at who I am and think about how it occurred. I still have that wild sense of adventure instilled by my older brother. I still love sports. I’m still oddly fascinated by frogs. I am still the little sister to a big brother.
Even though that big brother is all grown up now with two little girls of his own. And this little sister lives 1200 miles away from him, in a grad program neither one of us would have imagined for me. It’s funny to think back to where we’ve come from in order to see why we’ve become who we’ve become.
The picture above, of course, shows my brother and I in matching Ghostbusters sweatshirts. I mean, duh.
they sleep with hornets and wonder why they wake up stung
Last week my best friend sent me an e-mail with a link to a video about the kinds of messages we (corporate we – media) are sending young girls about who they are, what they should be and what they should stand for. It was actually a trailer for a longer movie and had celebrity interviews, input from developmental psychologists and clips from popular culture. In short – it was heart breaking. Seriously heart-breaking to think that there are so many voices and factors in our culture that tell girls to just stand still and look hot. (not even pretty – hot…or slutty, basically interchangeable)
There are all sort of really crappy messages out there for girls. And pop culture is full of really bad examples of what it means to be a woman and how to act in general life.
In the midst of things like the Real Housewives of…., The Bachelorette, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, and Charlie Sheen’s goddesses we are in more need now of positive role models for young girls. And I’m not even going to get started on the whole “child star turned crazy pop goddess on stripper poll” debacles that grace the front page of .
We need real life role models. We need women who are powerful without being mean, beautiful without showing off everything, strong without bull dozing people to get there. We need women who are positive role models and who are gonna show a more civilized way of living that reflects the way we were created to be.
We need more Mindy Kalings and Zooey Deschanels in this world. In my last blog I linked a couple of websites I’ve been enjoying lately, including Hello Giggles and Mindy Kaling’s blog. I heard an interview with the creators of Hello Giggles and how they try so hard to provide a comedy website that is positive and not trashy. They don’t allow negative comments or anything like that, and they patrol it to make sure that happens. This kind of thing brings me some sort of hope. That there are celebrities out there that are understanding the minds they are shaping by merely being famous.
And Mindy Kaling. Girl, I cannot say enough good things about this woman. She’s smart, funny, beautiful and in so many ways the kind of person I would love for my nieces and goddaughter to want to be more like. I’ve been reading and re-reading excerpts from her book that comes out next month and realizing more and more how appreciative I am that someone can comment on life and give advice that isn’t about sleeping around and showing off what ya got.
I know that I can’t fully endorse everything that women like Mindy Kaling and Zooey Deschanel stand for or say, nor should I. I mean we still need to teach our girls to be critical thinkers and to throw what they see, read and hear against what they know to be true. But for the most part, these women are paving the way for a new kind of leading lady. Not the fully incapable size 0 woman who falls apart when her outfit doesn’t look right or a boy doesn’t call, but a real woman who thinks, cares, loves and lives life to the fullest.
That’s the kind of women I want to see more of in the news and on TV. The real woman who makes me proud to be a woman too. Those are the people we need to be supporting with our money, our attitudes and our web influence.
raindrops on roses
Here’s the latest edition of the roommate and my vlog. This is our second ‘episode’ and we’ve had a ton of fun planning and executing these vlogs so we hope you enjoy them too.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJIkPc6XyRg]
Things mentioned in this vlog:
http://hellogiggles.com/
http://theconcernsofmindykaling.com/
http://www.fox.com/new-girl/
the oaks start twisting
As always, this semester seems to be flying by. I find it hard to believe that it is already October and even as I sit here drinking my coffee infused with Pumpkin Spice (a fall standard), I can’t help but think, Fall? Really?
And yet, here we are. The leaves are changing, everyone is baking with pumpkin, girls are starting to wear uggs with skirts. Fall is here.
I, for one, love Fall. I can’t say it’s my favorite season since I’m not sure that I have a favorite. But it is definitely up there. As I walked to Starbucks this morning and then to class I was loving the cool breeze of the morning. The crisp air, the bright blue sky and the leaves crunching under my Toms. It felt like a commercial for fall. It was splendid.
Today I find myself overwhelmingly thankful for this change of season. I needed a physical change in life to reflect the change I’ve been feeling on the inside. Life has been slowly shifting for me recently and lately there have been several places in my life that have changed in major ways and sometimes when that happens, I need there to me something around me that’s different too.
Change keeps things spicy. Although it’s challenging and at times unwelcome, it helps us to see growth, to learn to be flexible and pushes us to stay in tune with God. Too often my life gets too busy and hectic that I tend to stray away from consistent times to appreciate God and commune with him. Lately I’ve been trying to turn that around and make more of an effort to really enjoy the presence of God around me in all that surrounds me.
So today I’m seeing the change around me reflecting the change happening in me. I am seeing God’s hands at work all around me as well as in me and for that I am thankful.
you sound so innocent …
Well guys, after today my blog might have a new feature. While waiting for our flight today at the Knoxville airport, the roommate and I decided to record a vlog and well, we kind of loved it. So it might be a reoccurring thing if we can agree on a name and a topic.
But for now, we are basically just following suit in this thing that has been going around called an Accent Vlog. I first heard about it over on The Nomad’s blog and well, the rest is history. So, I hope you enjoy this little addition to honesty box. ..cause we sure had fun making it.
I’ll be posting the questions and words here in case you decide to make one too, cause it’s kinda fun. And if you do .. send me a link.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOTAjA4f-lY?hl=en&fs=1]
Questions and words:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?
Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught
I thought I had you figured out
…or why I like second year of seminary more than first year…
Community takes time. It takes investment, it takes patience and it takes continuity. It’s almost impossible to be able to say to someone, “You don’t seem like yourself today,” if you’ve only known them for a week. Which is why, even in an intense community situation as seminary is, I repeat myself – Community takes time.
This second year of seminary comes with a lot more responsibility on my shoulders. Not to mention I’ve traveled/am traveling quite a bit which means that although I’m in week 4 of classes, I have yet to have a full week of class and yet to find a rhythm. I know that a lot of people say that ministry is a lot like this, which is true, but there comes a point where I think to myself that maybe I’ve taken a little too much on this year.
So when I woke up this morning feeling less than great the thought crossed my mind that maybe I could miss class to get better. However, I missed this class last week, so I pulled myself out of bed, got it together and went to class. Now, this particular class is probably on of my favorites to date here at NPTS, but this morning the two and a half hours of lecture and switching between Greek and Hebrew was giving me a massive headache. I knew that I wasn’t participating the way that I should be but I could barely keep up with discussion must less add in my ideas. At the end of class, as I was packing up, I glanced up and made eye contact with my professor. He softly asked me if I was doing alright.
Now this particular professor is one of the most pastoral minded people I have ever met. He has this way of checking in with you that is so consistent and caring without being too intrusive or annoying. So when he asks if I’m doing alright, I know that the facade I tried to put on this morning was unsuccessful. This professor knows the things I’m involved with in the seminary community, knows that I was out of town last week and knows that usually I am much more vocal than I was today. He followed up to ask me if I was getting caught up okay to which I simply replied that I was working on it. He made the observation that I was a bit more low key than usual today.
In a conversation that lasted a total of about 20 seconds he expressed so much care and concern for my well being that I walked into the hall feeling a tad bit better. This is the product of taking the time to build community. He takes the time to get to know the lives of his students well enough to know exactly when to ask and when to push.
The thing that is so great about our community here is that all our teachers are like this. They all take the time to invest in us, to teach us, to pray for us and to be involved in our lives. They learn the details of our lives in order to figure out how to teach us better, how to care for us better. It’s an amazing thing that happens after you’ve spent a year in class with them and enter into your second year. I can’t imagine what third year will bring next year.
So what’s our response to this care and compassion shown to us by these faculty and staff members? The obvious is to do our homework and pay attention in class. The less obvious is to live in a way that it shows that we have been taught well. To go into ministry fighting for the things that matter and standing on the foundation of the Gospel. To invest in ourselves and our education.
All this to say, the first year of seminary is great too, but second year…yeah, second year is good.
let the good times roll
Before I start I need everyone reading this to know that this entry is only about 15% for real…the remainder 85% is an exaggeration of my true feelings.
Because I have had way too many “serious” thoughts on here lately and frankly too many in my head as well, I thought I’d write a little bit about the art of “loving your team”.
I don’t know if you know this about me but I’m a Broncos fan and I have been for the entire 26 years of my life. To say that my family bleeds blue and orange may be an understatement..case in point? My family has had season tickets to the Broncos for over 30 years, including the 11 years that we spent living in New Jersey. The tickets originated in my grandfather’s name, then were divided between one of my uncles and my dad. Thus, for the entirety of my own life we have owned two seats in the old Mile High Stadium, then the Invesco at Mile High Stadium and now the Sports Authority at Mile High Stadium.
Currently the tickets are managed and paid for by my older brother with the understanding that when I am in town I have the rights to the seats. Because I live out of town it’s easy for us to manage who goes to what games, usually I come waltzing into town and get the two seats for myself and whoever I may want to take with me. Now before you get all defensive for my brother, I’m usually only in town for 2 or 3 games, he gets the rest all to himself.
The only game that we fight over is the one game a year that means the most to both of us. It’s the Raiders game. Growing up a Broncos fan means growing up a Raiders Hater. It’s probably our most intense rivalry (second being the Cheifs in case you were wondering.) So before I moved away from Denver the Brother and I had a deal that when that one game came around, we’d go together because it was the only fair way of doing it.
This year the Raiders game fell on opening weekend on Monday Night. Now, if you follow Football even the smallest amount you know that’s kind of a big deal. Right?? Right. So that older brother of mind decided to be awesome and flew me in for the weekend to attend this coveted game with him. (yep, I’ll keep him, he’s a great guy).
So last night found me 10th row in the corner of the North Endzone cheering on my boys. Decked out in orange and even with a little face paint on. The game was going great, however, it started raining. At first it was a sprinkle but then it just started dumping on us. So there I was, in jeans and a jersey, my coat in the car, getting drenched. But did I leave the stands? NO WAY.
See, dedication as a fan means sticking through it in the good and bad. That means weather too. Not every game can be a 2:15 game with the sun shining and the temperature hovering at 70. No, no, somedays you get rain, others you might get snow, still others bring hail or just the freezing cold wind of Denver. But you stay in your seats and you take it because the players are and it’s all about solidarity right?
I should probably stop to mention that this whole fan thing is pretty easy when you’re team has the ability to go undefeated or make the play offs at least. I mean you can get really drenched for a team that is kicking their rivals butts…but what does that solidarity look like when you’re a Broncos fan and your team is … well, to be frank, a little challenged in the scoring department.
Now, I’m not saying I’m a better fan than most just because my team has had a few rough gos and I haven’t jumped ship…but … oh, wait, I might be.
Just kidding. (sort of). I will say this. As much trash I talked about a certain quarterback last night who seemed to forget that his ONE job is to get the ball over the goal line… I love all my Broncos.
And loving them means flying halfway across the country to go to their opening game. It means painting my face (only a little, a girl has her standards) and yelling really loud and high fiving everyone around me at the game. It means missing two days of class and spending an entire weekend getting about a week behind in school just for the chance to sit in my favorite seats, next to my favorite game watcher and watch my boys play live.
But loving them also means calling them out on being the kind of dumb dumbs that throw interceptions, get sacked and drop the ball from time to time. I mean, iron sharpens iron right?